On December 04th, 2010, the unthinkable has occurred. Bill 91, which legalizes the indiscriminate slaughter of victims of Z. Phasmatis, has been passed in legislation.
We have worked with the government for many years, cleaning up any misunderstandings and aiding in peaceful resolutions with our field agents. This event has come as a shock to all of us involved, to say the least.
We mourn the death of security for our restless loved ones. We can only imagine what trouble this will lead to in the future, as even without legislation, violence toward the restless ("Zombies" by popular media) has become a growing problem. In at least one field operation witnessed by yours truly, an ailing husband was brutally slaughtered in front of his wife as he wailed in pain and suffering.
What right does anyone have to destroy the peace and well-being of any other, over fear and propaganda? Little to nothing is known of Z. Phasmatis, but this much is clear: it is not the restless that are the monster.
The government are offering a "vaccine" against Z. Phasmatis. I am beginning to wonder if this is not simply an attempt to garner fiscal returns on an otherwise dire situation. "We can cure you," speaks our government, "for a fee." I hear even this is being pushed into legislation-- that is, a non-free vaccine against a disease with no other symptom than reanimation is being pushed as mandatory for all citizens.
As if the government did not demand enough of our money go to large corporations, they take away our rights and demand our money, as if they have done something that deserves a reward.
As this year moves to an end, I hear Christmas carols that offer me little of the joy they once offered me as a child; I see the holiday cheer pushed on me at every turn, but this holiday season, I wonder about those who just want a peaceful end who may meet with an outpouring of violence.
Gone are the days when soldiers put down their arms for the holiday season... gone are the imperfect days of peace we once had, and I shudder to think what the floodgates will let loose.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
A Valentine's Day Save
St. Valentine's Day is one of those controversial holidays. Pictures of hearts and candy and kisses all flowing around, warmth and affection, or possible lonely bitterness, depending on how you wish to spend the holiday or your particular predisposition...
... but here at Z.E.D., we usually like to spend the holiday attempting the original intention of the holiday. The office is not adorned in very much red tapestry; but when I heard that one of our officers was on a case of a couple, one newly suffering from the Z. Phasmatis disease, I had to investigate.
When I came to the situation, the officers were talking to the man in question. He was extremely disoriented, and spoke in grunts. The officer informed me that his wife had called us, terrified that she was married to a "zombie". She wanted us to dispose of him as quickly as possible.
The officers' training kicked in at this point, and they attempted to discourage her from a hasty decision. We realize that the disease is most traumatic for the survivors, as media brainwashing has enforced the image of the dangerous undead into our collective unconscious. So, we took her by the hand and slowly brought her to see her husband, who instantly recognized her. He immediately calmed down and gave her a pleading gaze, and she agreed that he was of no danger to her.
I watched as the officers went through the information she required in order to carefully take care of her husband until his second-death. They gave her the option of a constant supervisor at her house, a trained security from our own offices who would ensure both her safety and his. Everything ran like it should...
... until her husband tried to kiss her. Disgusted by this, she screamed and ran away. Instead of pursuing her, the husband looked at us, grabbed a pen, and with a tear falling down his eye, attempted to sign the euthanasia papers...
It was at this point that something strange happened. One of our officers began to cry himself. I looked at him, startled by this display of emotion. Our field officers have gained notoriety for being able to stoically deal with all situations, but with a few words he explained it all. "My wife did the same thing."
He went into the living room and talked with the wife. After awhile (a rather long while), they both came out crying. She looked at me, smiled awkwardly.
"I've decided to sign him into your custody." She walked over to him, kissed him on the forehead. "I will visit you, but I need to remember you for who you once were, as well." She nodded to our officer, and we immediately started the appropriate paperwork.
The field officer looked content, even if red-eyed. In this field, we attempt to be unbiased, scientifically cold and calculated. I myself have found myself more drawn to statistics and numbers than human beings, as I have devoted myself more and more to the cause, but this situation reminded me that not everything can be explained without bias, not everything has a number associated with it or a cold-hard logic...
Some things you just feel. In those two yesterday, I saw love-- true love. And it is not with a Hallmark card that it was displayed, not that there would have been anything wrong if it had been expressed that way... but it was just... in the room. It was just there, you could feel it under your skin.
When I returned home, my wife was sleeping. When I kissed her, I felt her waken slightly, and as she shifted in bed, wrapped her arms around me, buried her head in my chest... I felt blessed, and understood why we devote a day of every year just in celebration of this wonderful emotion.
I hope all of you had a great Valentine's Day
... but here at Z.E.D., we usually like to spend the holiday attempting the original intention of the holiday. The office is not adorned in very much red tapestry; but when I heard that one of our officers was on a case of a couple, one newly suffering from the Z. Phasmatis disease, I had to investigate.
When I came to the situation, the officers were talking to the man in question. He was extremely disoriented, and spoke in grunts. The officer informed me that his wife had called us, terrified that she was married to a "zombie". She wanted us to dispose of him as quickly as possible.
The officers' training kicked in at this point, and they attempted to discourage her from a hasty decision. We realize that the disease is most traumatic for the survivors, as media brainwashing has enforced the image of the dangerous undead into our collective unconscious. So, we took her by the hand and slowly brought her to see her husband, who instantly recognized her. He immediately calmed down and gave her a pleading gaze, and she agreed that he was of no danger to her.
I watched as the officers went through the information she required in order to carefully take care of her husband until his second-death. They gave her the option of a constant supervisor at her house, a trained security from our own offices who would ensure both her safety and his. Everything ran like it should...
... until her husband tried to kiss her. Disgusted by this, she screamed and ran away. Instead of pursuing her, the husband looked at us, grabbed a pen, and with a tear falling down his eye, attempted to sign the euthanasia papers...
It was at this point that something strange happened. One of our officers began to cry himself. I looked at him, startled by this display of emotion. Our field officers have gained notoriety for being able to stoically deal with all situations, but with a few words he explained it all. "My wife did the same thing."
He went into the living room and talked with the wife. After awhile (a rather long while), they both came out crying. She looked at me, smiled awkwardly.
"I've decided to sign him into your custody." She walked over to him, kissed him on the forehead. "I will visit you, but I need to remember you for who you once were, as well." She nodded to our officer, and we immediately started the appropriate paperwork.
The field officer looked content, even if red-eyed. In this field, we attempt to be unbiased, scientifically cold and calculated. I myself have found myself more drawn to statistics and numbers than human beings, as I have devoted myself more and more to the cause, but this situation reminded me that not everything can be explained without bias, not everything has a number associated with it or a cold-hard logic...
Some things you just feel. In those two yesterday, I saw love-- true love. And it is not with a Hallmark card that it was displayed, not that there would have been anything wrong if it had been expressed that way... but it was just... in the room. It was just there, you could feel it under your skin.
When I returned home, my wife was sleeping. When I kissed her, I felt her waken slightly, and as she shifted in bed, wrapped her arms around me, buried her head in my chest... I felt blessed, and understood why we devote a day of every year just in celebration of this wonderful emotion.
I hope all of you had a great Valentine's Day
Saturday, January 30, 2010
A Special Case
Our head office works tightly with the field officers, not only to create the annual report and to collect data, but also because the field officers give us insight into Z. Phasmatis and how we can treat sufferers humanely.
Humanity is not what it once was; that is the general sentiment. "Wasn't there a time when we didn't kill everything and everyone that got in our way?" That question seems to be asked many times, and I cannot come up with an answer. Maybe there was. Or maybe we just became more efficient, death and destruction being built into our hearts.
I'd like to think, however, that there is hope for how we treat each other. The word "humane" brings about an image of hope and support; to act 'humanely' is to act with warm regard for the existence of another creature, to act with respect and dignity toward another being.
So, when one of our field officers shows strong desire to act humanely, we feel the need to encourage them, and thank them from the bottom of our hearts on behalf of all of humanity. The more people act with humanity, the more faith can be restored in our species.
So it is with great sorrow that I write this report. A few days ago, Field Officer Daniel Lavesques was shot by a police officer who believed Daniel had become infected while protecting a "Zombie".
Daniel had shown great humanity by protecting his fellow living being, and he will be greatly missed.
Humanity is not what it once was; that is the general sentiment. "Wasn't there a time when we didn't kill everything and everyone that got in our way?" That question seems to be asked many times, and I cannot come up with an answer. Maybe there was. Or maybe we just became more efficient, death and destruction being built into our hearts.
I'd like to think, however, that there is hope for how we treat each other. The word "humane" brings about an image of hope and support; to act 'humanely' is to act with warm regard for the existence of another creature, to act with respect and dignity toward another being.
So, when one of our field officers shows strong desire to act humanely, we feel the need to encourage them, and thank them from the bottom of our hearts on behalf of all of humanity. The more people act with humanity, the more faith can be restored in our species.
So it is with great sorrow that I write this report. A few days ago, Field Officer Daniel Lavesques was shot by a police officer who believed Daniel had become infected while protecting a "Zombie".
Daniel had shown great humanity by protecting his fellow living being, and he will be greatly missed.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Bill 97
After a long and difficult battle, we seem to be making some headway.
God bless,
I am writing this from a hotel on the outskirts of Ottawa, where we have made repeated attempts to talk with the attorney general. In terms of legislation, we are attacking Bill 97, which legalizes the immediate (and unprovoked) "euthanasia" of the undead-- or those suffering from Z. Phasmatis, who experience post-mortal activity.
The meetings have been met with difficulty. The attorney general himself has been consistently busy with other matters whenever we attempt to discuss the matter with him. And even though we have our own legal team behind us, it seems we are rarely taken very seriously.
We have also attempted to bring our concerns to the house of commons, in the hopes of passing our own act against violence against the suffers of Z. Phasmatis. Although some politicians have shown their support, they admit that they desire us to attempt to win over popular favor before attempting to pass a protective act in the house... essentially, what they are trying to tell us is that they cannot guarantee any support more than their own, and currently that is not the majority.
The problem still lies with distribution of seats... although officially liberal, far too many seats are with the conservative government, who are staunch opposers of our goals, and strong supporters of Bill 97.
I've spent all day in meetings with people both within the legal departments and in our PR groups on how to gain support for our cause, without which, we are fighting a losing battle.
I am exhausted... and hope to report again soon with some better news, but for now, it seems that the holidays will slow down our efforts.
In the meantime, our interns in the office have reported positive numbers when it comes to recent cases. It seems that our DTZP (Diplomatic Treatment of Z. Phasmatis) rate is high, with field officers reporting only a 30% casualty rate due to discriminatory hostility rate. As promising as that is, it still means that 30% of all cases end in unprovoked violence. Sufferers from Z. Phasmatis are rarely if ever hostile, and yet they are constantly met with violence.
Out of all our cases, only 4 have had reports of a sufferer of Z. Phasmatis proving violent. Not 4%... 4 CASES. Out of all our cases, that amounts to 0.003 % of sufferers who have any violent tendency.
I don't know the exact statistic for this, but I'm pretty sure that qualifies the undead as being less violent than the average human.
So I keep on fighting. At least... until I sleep. Which I must do.
Keep up the fight, people! We WILL win this, and will see peace for us and our loved ones.
God bless,
-- Shannon
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Annual Report
It has been a long time coming, but the annual report is finally up.
It has been a very long year for us here in the offices. We have been traveling a lot, trying to spread the word. The job is, at times, seemingly thankless. As our intern exposed, we are subject to a lot of hatred, as with many liberal organizations. Change is not an easy thing to convince others to attempt, and we understand, if we are at times frustrated.
Still, the job is not without its benefits. We have been lucky, and even though the situation is always difficult when dealing with Z. Phasmatis, we feel we have been there to help others understand how to make the best out of a very difficult situation.
Anyway, for those interested in learning more about our organization, the annual report paints as vivid a picture I can give.
As I have said many times, we have a long way to go, but are continuously thankful for all your love and support.
-- Shannon
It has been a very long year for us here in the offices. We have been traveling a lot, trying to spread the word. The job is, at times, seemingly thankless. As our intern exposed, we are subject to a lot of hatred, as with many liberal organizations. Change is not an easy thing to convince others to attempt, and we understand, if we are at times frustrated.
Still, the job is not without its benefits. We have been lucky, and even though the situation is always difficult when dealing with Z. Phasmatis, we feel we have been there to help others understand how to make the best out of a very difficult situation.
Anyway, for those interested in learning more about our organization, the annual report paints as vivid a picture I can give.
As I have said many times, we have a long way to go, but are continuously thankful for all your love and support.
-- Shannon
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Show us your love!
Hello Zombie-Faithful's,
For those of you who do not know who I am, which is everyone, my name is Malcolm and I have been charged with maintaining the information flow of this site while both co-founders are away doing field work. I know, I know... not as glory ridden as being out there helping families cope, but still it's something, right?
Well, I must be honest and say it is my secret agenda/intention to lighten this site up!!! Seems too heavy in content. It needs a corner to lighten your spirits. It's not easy being persecuted for what you believe in. As such I bring to you, dear readers, a section I have titled "Show us your love". We get a fair amount of hate mail and feel it's only fair that we give voice and criticism to these 'lovers'. We can't all be professionals... ;p Enjoy :)
OnlyGoodZombieisaDeadZombie wrote:
"I hope you've brought your sandals and swim wear because it's going to be hot where your going when the dust settles from all this. Incase you were too dumb to realize that's hell!"
Z.E.D: The only good zombie is a dead zombie? Say your name out loud... I know zombies with more processing power than you right now...
ZombieKillaz wrote:
"Dear Zombie-loving-F---s. Why don't you go hug a zombie then see how far your philosophies of undead love takes you!"
Z.E.D: There is a common misconception that we make love to zombies. We don't. Although I'm sure your wives would rather make love to us. Burn.
L33tz wrote:
"I think you sickos need a wake-up call! Zombie rights??!! Are you serious?!?! You're really just a bunch of glory hounds!!! A bunch of sycophantic liberal minded fools, too afraid to face the real issues and hoping someone else will do the dirty work for you! Cling to your unearned moral high ground because I'll be there when you are forced to kill a zombie! Then I'll rub it in your face! It's easy to say what you do from the safety of your rallies. Wake-up a--holes, the undead are coming and they won't be taking any sides!"
Z.E.D: Our message is one of compassion, our strength comes from the inside. Remember this as you cling to the hilt of your weapon in fear... we wouldn't expect you to understand but thanks for stopping by.
Well, that's all I have for now. Sad, but I figure since I've only known about this for literally fifteen minutes I thought it was pretty good! :) The other good thing is there are millions upon millions of emails, letters etc... so this isn't over yet. Frightening I know.
Peace-out.
Intern
For those of you who do not know who I am, which is everyone, my name is Malcolm and I have been charged with maintaining the information flow of this site while both co-founders are away doing field work. I know, I know... not as glory ridden as being out there helping families cope, but still it's something, right?
Well, I must be honest and say it is my secret agenda/intention to lighten this site up!!! Seems too heavy in content. It needs a corner to lighten your spirits. It's not easy being persecuted for what you believe in. As such I bring to you, dear readers, a section I have titled "Show us your love". We get a fair amount of hate mail and feel it's only fair that we give voice and criticism to these 'lovers'. We can't all be professionals... ;p Enjoy :)
OnlyGoodZombieisaDeadZombie wrote:
"I hope you've brought your sandals and swim wear because it's going to be hot where your going when the dust settles from all this. Incase you were too dumb to realize that's hell!"
Z.E.D: The only good zombie is a dead zombie? Say your name out loud... I know zombies with more processing power than you right now...
ZombieKillaz wrote:
"Dear Zombie-loving-F---s. Why don't you go hug a zombie then see how far your philosophies of undead love takes you!"
Z.E.D: There is a common misconception that we make love to zombies. We don't. Although I'm sure your wives would rather make love to us. Burn.
L33tz wrote:
"I think you sickos need a wake-up call! Zombie rights??!! Are you serious?!?! You're really just a bunch of glory hounds!!! A bunch of sycophantic liberal minded fools, too afraid to face the real issues and hoping someone else will do the dirty work for you! Cling to your unearned moral high ground because I'll be there when you are forced to kill a zombie! Then I'll rub it in your face! It's easy to say what you do from the safety of your rallies. Wake-up a--holes, the undead are coming and they won't be taking any sides!"
Z.E.D: Our message is one of compassion, our strength comes from the inside. Remember this as you cling to the hilt of your weapon in fear... we wouldn't expect you to understand but thanks for stopping by.
Well, that's all I have for now. Sad, but I figure since I've only known about this for literally fifteen minutes I thought it was pretty good! :) The other good thing is there are millions upon millions of emails, letters etc... so this isn't over yet. Frightening I know.
Peace-out.
Intern
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Upcoming Annual Report
I have been hard at work on the annual report for Z.E.D. and while this year, our organization was able to document and help many cases of the Zombie outbreak, we still have a lot of work ahead of us.
For instance, our science division still needs medical scientists to help us further understand how to treat those suffering from this shocking illness. How are those suffering from the disease able to exist independent of any blood pressure or flow? Why is it that there are momentary lapses of consciousness mixed with the more stereotypical, non-conscious entities more commonly referred to as Zombies?
We also need the help of those people who have encounters with zombies of which we are not currently aware. As you may know, there is a Zombie Incident Report (Z.I.R. form) on the right side of this blog. If you have encountered a zombie and would like to report it, please tell us your story, and provide feedback so we can not only help you in your situation, but also help us help others as well.
A filmmaker, who wishes to remain unnamed until the release of his newest project, has also asked us permission to film a documentary on this organization. Feeling that this can only help further promote our ideals to others, we have agreed to the terms. We will also be sponsoring the filmmaker's chronicle of one of our most famous cases.
We feel that the story of those brave souls we have encountered should be known to the world, and feel this filmmaker is doing a great service to our cause.
We also feel that many people have great services which they too can offer, so if you would like to make a suggestion on how you can help, feel free to donate either your time or money to this worthy cause, either by making a donation (right side of the screen) or by filling out our application (also on the right). Please note that any anonymous donations we receive obviously cannot receive any credits or complimentary materials, so as much as we appreciate the donations, please feel free to send us your info so we can be sure to reward you for your help.
Thanks for making this a great year, and looking forward to seeing what more we can do for the world.
For instance, our science division still needs medical scientists to help us further understand how to treat those suffering from this shocking illness. How are those suffering from the disease able to exist independent of any blood pressure or flow? Why is it that there are momentary lapses of consciousness mixed with the more stereotypical, non-conscious entities more commonly referred to as Zombies?
We also need the help of those people who have encounters with zombies of which we are not currently aware. As you may know, there is a Zombie Incident Report (Z.I.R. form) on the right side of this blog. If you have encountered a zombie and would like to report it, please tell us your story, and provide feedback so we can not only help you in your situation, but also help us help others as well.
A filmmaker, who wishes to remain unnamed until the release of his newest project, has also asked us permission to film a documentary on this organization. Feeling that this can only help further promote our ideals to others, we have agreed to the terms. We will also be sponsoring the filmmaker's chronicle of one of our most famous cases.
We feel that the story of those brave souls we have encountered should be known to the world, and feel this filmmaker is doing a great service to our cause.
We also feel that many people have great services which they too can offer, so if you would like to make a suggestion on how you can help, feel free to donate either your time or money to this worthy cause, either by making a donation (right side of the screen) or by filling out our application (also on the right). Please note that any anonymous donations we receive obviously cannot receive any credits or complimentary materials, so as much as we appreciate the donations, please feel free to send us your info so we can be sure to reward you for your help.
Thanks for making this a great year, and looking forward to seeing what more we can do for the world.
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